I’ve been off my game lately. I am hormonal, I am emotional, and have raging PMS that is eating my brain.
This week, this semester, parts of this year, have been hellacious. Not for one reason in particular, just crazy and sucky.
I miss Sara and Alexis a whole lot, like all the time.I love when I have sub jobs for work, and school well aside from math isn’t awful. But I have NO FOCUS when it comes to school.
I miss going to the gym, tracking my food intake, and being healthy. It made me happy. The best few months I’ve been eating junk. I haven’t gained any weight back, but I haven’t lost which is okay. But the way it makes me FEEL just sucks.
It also really sucks that getting in the gym is so hard but once you start consistently you want and need it. I also make dumb excuses like oh school I can’t go because I have homework, I have class tonight. Yet, then I will spend hours watching something on Netflix, instead of taking an hour to go to the gym. It is just silly and Monday it is going to stop.
I am lonely. I live out in BFE, and I have friends, beautiful, lovely, friends. But we’re fucking adults. I know right when the fuck did that shit happen? I didn’t say that is okay. So we might text on occasion and there are like 4 people total I talk to daily. Yet all of them live far away from me. Even my fiancee lives far away from me!
I can’t wait for Saturday because we are celebrating a friends birthday with his new fiancee, and I can drink and Sara will take care of me and love me, and I will be with adults. And we will laugh and enjoy and have a good time. And it will be marvelous. I need this. I need my woman. I need to just be carefree for a night.
Then Monday the kid has surgery, and I’ve got class, then the gym. And life will be better and exercising will feel good and refocus me and it will be good.
I need a hot summer body even if I’m plus sized. I want to be less squishy and lumpy. I want to be smooth and curvy and firm with muscles! Rawr