I’ve been off my game lately. I am hormonal, I am emotional, and have raging PMS that is eating my brain.
This week, this semester, parts of this year, have been hellacious. Not for one reason in particular, just crazy and sucky.
I miss Sara and Alexis a whole lot, like all the time.I love when I have sub jobs for work, and school well aside from math isn’t awful. But I have NO FOCUS when it comes to school.
I miss going to the gym, tracking my food intake, and being healthy. It made me happy. The best few months I’ve been eating junk. I haven’t gained any weight back, but I haven’t lost which is okay. But the way it makes me FEEL just sucks.
It also really sucks that getting in the gym is so hard but once you start consistently you want and need it. I also make dumb excuses like oh school I can’t go because I have homework, I have class tonight. Yet, then I will spend hours watching something on Netflix, instead of taking an hour to go to the gym. It is just silly and Monday it is going to stop.
I am lonely. I live out in BFE, and I have friends, beautiful, lovely, friends. But we’re fucking adults. I know right when the fuck did that shit happen? I didn’t say that is okay. So we might text on occasion and there are like 4 people total I talk to daily. Yet all of them live far away from me. Even my fiancee lives far away from me!
I can’t wait for Saturday because we are celebrating a friends birthday with his new fiancee, and I can drink and Sara will take care of me and love me, and I will be with adults. And we will laugh and enjoy and have a good time. And it will be marvelous. I need this. I need my woman. I need to just be carefree for a night.
Then Monday the kid has surgery, and I’ve got class, then the gym. And life will be better and exercising will feel good and refocus me and it will be good.
I need a hot summer body even if I’m plus sized. I want to be less squishy and lumpy. I want to be smooth and curvy and firm with muscles! Rawr
I love these pictures from the Prop 8 hearing yesterday in Washington, D.C.
And I will also say, that the love and support I saw across social media outlets from my wedding planner, to bloggers who lost “likes and followers” on FB, it is truly appreciated.
It was a really emotional day for me yesterday, because I live in fear. Fear that I could lose my job, because I’m in love with the person of my dreams, and society just sees that we are both women and that is wrong.
It scares me that I could lose my daughter, if I don’t try to get rights through the state of Virginia, which luckily, they will allow.
It worries me that if something were to happen to my wife, that no one would have a legal obligation to tell me.
It is not okay that legally married couples in the military could not receive their partners belongings, receive a notification, or flag, or any other rights allowed to heterosexual couples prior to this year.
This isn’t about “marriage” right or wrong, it is about the basic benefits that everyone deserves.
So. February 11, 2011 I weighed in at 276.6 lbs.
Today, January 28, 2013 I weighed in at 227.2 lbs.
I have lost a total of 49.4 lbs.
It has been an up and down journey that I have been on for these two years. During 2012, I gained at least 10 lbs during the school year working as a teacher’s aide because hello yummy treats and parties in preschool all the time.
Since August 07, 2012, I have lost 23.8 lbs.
I don’t strictly diet, I enjoy my life, I enjoy food, but I make way better choices than I used to.
I do strength training and cardio, but have been slacking lately. I’m still on my journey and want to get to at least 180. But to have gotten this far, and maintained for the past few months and through the holidays, I’m really proud.
Katie & Tanya.
Holiday Fun Fact:
Katie: One year, she caught her father eating the cookies she had decorated just for Santa. She got extremely upset and demanded that her father leave an apology letter for Santa.
Tanya: When she was 13, she got a pair of rainbow earrings in her stocking from “Santa”. Her mother watched her open the box and she went completely pale. She’d come out to everyone but her that year and had been terrified to tell her. She smirked and said in a thick Danish accent, “Tanya, don’t you know, Santa knows EVERYTHING?”
Yes and yes